So yesterday evening I went on another date, the pretence to which is fairly embarrassing because I was in the unfortunate position of being broke and couldn't pay for said date. How inadequate did I feel? I pride myself on being one of the few surviving gentlemen in this day and age and here I was being paid for on only our second date… Well, I say second, but it wasn't really. Or was it? I guess officially it was, but the two and a half hours we spent in Druckers on Saturday evening chatting until they kicked us out at closing time has to count for something, right? That's where the .5 comes in, hence the title of the blog post.
We'd planned a cinema outing and she'd insisted I pick the movie. Right off the bat this could potentially have been disastrous, what if I picked an absolute shocker and the date turned out to be two hours of pure uncomfortable boredom? I'd taken a quick look at what Hollywood had to offer and decided on the psychological thriller 'Side Effects' starring Jude Law. It had excellent reviews from both the film critics and the general public alike so I figured it was worth a punt.
The movie was due to start at 10.05 so I picked her up in a taxi around 9.30. Unlike the first date, I wasn't nervous this time. The first hurdles had already been jumped, the ice broken and the foundations laid - this time it was all about just enjoying her company. As she hopped into the taxi I immediately made a wise crack about us finding our way to the right place, in reference to the 'first date mix-up' which I covered in a previous blog post. I hoped this would ease any immediate tension and settle any nerves she may have had, although I suspect she just thought I was an idiot! Right away we fell deep into conversation. This has been true of our last two - sorry, two and a half - dates, and just seems to come naturally to us which is marvellous. There's nothing worse than struggling for things to say but there's been no such issue thus far. Not even close.
The movie itself was a bit of a slow starter, but the same can be said for the majority of movies falling under the umbrella of the 'psychological thriller' genre due to the director having to set the scene and provide the facts, do the mandatory character introductions etc… Half way through I was still questioning where they were going with it. It seemed a very fragmented and difficult to follow plot in places, but the director pulled it all together in a neat little bundle at the end, answering all of the viewer's outstanding questions and throwing in a tidy little twist which made me smile. Decent choice, Jones. Nice gamble.
Following the conclusion of the movie came the inevitable chat about what we'd just experienced, how we felt about it, and the impending trip home. It was a clear night, fairly cold but not at all unpleasant, so we opted to stroll home instead of call a taxi. After all, we weren't in a rush to be anywhere and it meant we got to spend a bit more time together than if we'd have just taken a cab. The walk from Dudley to Oldbury could be seen by many as a million miles, never to be attempted even in the height of summer when being outside is at the top of everyone's agenda, but we didn't see it that way since we both rather enjoy a walk - weather permitting.
Family seemed to be the main topic throughout the journey home. We both had a fair bit to say, although she perhaps had the lion's share, with her having such a large family and all. Then, about a third of the way home she prompted me to hold her hand. Even though this was a great turn up for the books in the grand scheme of things, we were both wearing thick gloves because of the chill in the air and hand holding loses much of its appeal when it's devoid of the sensation of skin-on-skin. I made the only suggestion that felt right at the time, I'd happily hold her hand as long as we took the relevant gloves off. Sure we'd be walking down the road each of us wearing one glove, holding bare hands. Yeah it might look odd to passers by, and okay our exposed skin might get cold, but did I care? Not a jot. It was worth the risk. My right glove came off, her left glove came off, we interlinked fingers and that's how it stayed the rest of the way home, save for the occasional break for her to pull up her socks! I can't lie, my heart jumped a little and started to beat a little faster when I took her hand in mine. It had been a long time since I'd held anyone's hand, at least in the same sense I was doing so now. A very long time.
I don't quite know how long it took to reach her front door. I was so tied up in conversation that I never checked the time, even upon leaving the cinema. Losing track of all time because you're enjoying someone's company is a rare occurrence, and one I relish greatly. We stood and chatted for a while, she pointed out where her family lived along the street and I gave her the little surprise I'd saved until the end of the evening. Since having her laptop repaired a couple of weeks ago she'd lost the majority of the music she had stored on her hard drive. Being the techno-nerd that I am, I'd taken the liberty of noting down many of her favourite artists which had cropped up in conversation, and downloaded as many of their albums as I could get my hands on. I'd then complied them onto a USB stick, Country and Rock songs alike, for her to enjoy at her leisure. A nice gesture, I felt.
It was then I checked the time and realised how late it was - it was fast approaching 1.30am. I had work to be up for at 6.30am, I had to take my leave. It was that time. That awkward time. That 'how do I handle the goodbye?' time. It is at this point I should refer you to my 3 date rule:
Date #1 - This is to be the ice breaker. The date where I get a feeling for her personality, see if there's anything outrageously irritating about her that I simply couldn't live with, discover how much we have in common, whether the conversation flows well, whether there's a physical attraction… It's basically an interview. A complete evaluation, and the laying of the foundation of date #2 going forward - if of course all goes well. Very few people ever get past date #1.
Date #2 - This is to be the 'get to know you better' date. If she got through date #1 and made it to date #2 it's already pretty obvious that I'm attracted to her. I wouldn't be on date #2 if I wasn't. However, sometimes the person that shows up on date #1 isn't the same person that shows up on date #2. This could be due to the first date nerves being gone meaning that she isn't trying quite so hard to keep things flowing between us, perhaps she's changed her mind about me, or maybe she's had a particularly bad day, it could be anything. So essentially date #2 serves as a basis for comparison to the person that showed up on date #1. If the same person shows up and all is going well, date #2 is also the date used to test physical boundaries - touching, cuddling and hand holding are acceptable if she seems comfortable with any of the above, but the general rule is nothing overly intimate. Don't risk too much, too soon. No kissing as a rule (cheeks are however allowed), and certainly no sexual activity of any kind. If she likes me then she'll be back for date #3 regardless.
Date #3 - Traditionally the date where, providing the same person as date #1 and date #2 shows up, it's time to actively encourage physical contact. She's showed up to two dates already and agreed to a third, she clearly sees something in me that she likes so it's worth taking the risk. By the end of date #3 I've generally all but made my mind up as to whether to continue seeing them or whether to cut my losses and move swiftly along. This brings with it the 'staking my claim' or 'sealing the deal' or however else you'd like to view it. I am of course referring to the kiss. Yes, that. The dreaded yet at the same time exalted first kiss. Once I've sealed it with a kiss, I'm stating my intentions. You aren't getting a kiss if you haven't made it to date #3, and when you do I'm effectively saying that I'm taken. For all intents and purposes, I'm officially off the market.
This brings me back to my story. How was I to handle the goodbye? This was only date #2 so no kissing was allowed, it wasn't time to state my intentions. Or was it? Technically this wasn't date #2 at all when I thought about it. It was somewhere between date #2 and date #3 because I'd failed to take into account the previous Saturday when I'd met her in Druckers after she finished work. In theory this was date #2.5. Any mathematician will tell you that 2.5 rounded to the nearest whole number is 3. So did the rules for date #3 apply? Should I risk it? A dilemma had arisen. What was I to do? I tried to make sense of it all as quickly as I could in my mind, all of the time trying to continue the conversation and ultimately say my goodbye. I leaned in, considered the consequences of my actions for a moment and proceeded to... wrap my arms around her for a cuddle. I'd opted for a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I then took my leave.
'Why?' I hear you ask. 'Why not kiss the poor girl? You'd held her hand all the way home, the signs were all there… You could've blown it!'. Sure I could have, but I knew I wouldn't. I don't know why I knew, but I knew. Some will say my 3 date rule is utter hogwash and that I should have kissed her that night, and to some extent I'd agree with them, but if she likes me enough she won't mind waiting. Besides, I fully intend to make up for it on date #3.5.
Here's hoping I made the right choice
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